Seeking Inner Peace

So last night was another sleepless night. And when I say sleepless, I do mean, exactly that. I didn’t sleep a minute. I watched Wedding Crashers twice and Office Space for about the 3rd time on this trip. Our room has to be over 100 and with three of us in there, it just isn’t happening.

That and the combination of being outside practically all day yesterday, with no relief from the heat. Also, just constantly being around people in general is getting on my nerves. Yea……it’s all just a little too much.

So today, I am playing hookie from Rajiv’s little game playing of his so called “orientation week”. F – that. I needed some Janelle time and some time in an air- conditioned buildings.

I finally feel like I’m in my element again here in India. I have come to realize something, yet it contradicts itself.

I like being alone. I love being alone. I feel free right now. Finally. God. This is what I came here for…. to be… just to be. Today is good. I’m away, I’m me, I get to decide everything and uh… it’s lovely.

However, a select couple of you know, in reality, I’m scared to death to be alone. That doesn’t feel good to me. The thought of being alone, alone, is just so… depressing and sad. Who wants to do life alone?

I think this time and being here I need to continue to find this time for myself in this country that I love. The next few weeks it will be much easier to do that. In Palampur we start our volunteering with the children. I can’t wait. They are so damn cute. This is for a few hours a day. We’ve been told it is a quiet, majestic, and CALM city. So finding time and places to myself after working each day with the children is going to be ritualistic. I have a lot to get sorted out in my head and I think it’s going to be the perfect environment for this. A terrace that overlooks the Himalayas… really?

Next, onto Ahmedabad and that’s just plain out going to kill!! I love that city and have everything all mapped out in my head. That’s like autopilot. Get there and I am going to be a maniac – lol – I have so much to do, places to see, shop and people to see. Going to be great.

I am thankful for today.

Love, Janelle